Recent Finds

Striped sweater_Costa Blanca_$19.99
Black pinstripe high-waisted skirt_Costa Blanca_bought last year

Polka dot pencil dress_American Apparel_$41
Too much side boob! Should've watched the vid first: 15 ways to stretch your money

Little black dress_Costa Blanca_$9.99 (!)

Black pinstripe jean blazer_Costa Blanca_$45.50
Black-and-red patterned skirt_American Apparel_$33

Beat Me

Illustration by Eric Stanton




Dr Channard
50s Erotic Art


Think it's easy being a dominatrix?

Very few professional dominants have sex with their clients, which is what attracts some women to this particular field of work. Doing domination allows women to reap the financial rewards of sex work without running the usual risks, e.g., STIs and arrest. (Pay the "nice" lady to beat you off? Totally illegal. Pay the "mean" lady to beat you? Totally legal.) Doing professional domination does, however, require more of an investment up front - the gear is expensive, expertise takes time to acquire (fucking is easy, flogging is hard), and a sub paying $500 an hour is going to want to be dominated in a tricked-out dungeon, not a studio apartment with a futon on the floor. -Dan Savage


Huh.

I thought all it took was a pair of thigh-high stiletto boots, smacking some schlub's ass with a ping pong paddle and yelling: You suck!

Is He a Psycho?

As it turns out, Mr. X hasn't left the building.

He appears to be mildly obsessed with me, which for now, scares me just a little.

It's the money, people. It's all about the money.

Under any other circumstance, a guy like this couldn't get close enough to count my nose hairs.

But this guy's rich. And willing to spend - or so he's leading me to believe.

In actual fact, so far, he's only paid for 2 hours of my time.

The gifts, however, keep coming. And endless number of texts: he's fucking married to his Blackberry.

Yesterday, he actually had the gall to show up to my building unannounced.

Thank god I've got a good screening system which necessitates me having to meet him in the lobby so I can escort him up to my place.

At this point, he's displaying highly unorthodox behaviour for someone I've met only twice, and a level of familiarity that's borderline uncomfortable.

Have I mentioned he lives in my neighbourhood? Takes him 15 minutes to walk to my place.

Yes, this could get ugly.

But luckily, I'm not an idiot, greedy, or desperate.

And I don't put up with crap from anyone.

If he creeps me out any further - and chances are he will - I'll have to tell him in no uncertain terms that it just won't work out between us.

On the other hand...there's a slight possibility I may be able to ride this cash cow to higher ground.

Oh - what? Does that sound cold?

Well, that's the nature of the business.

Somehow, these guys forget that everything they get from a working girl is bought and paid for and that the money is the sole reason she's around.

Yes, rarely, genuine friendships/relationships based on mutual caring and understanding arise out of situations like this.

But it's not the norm.

Most of the time, the hired companion's just watching the damn clock. Or thinking about what she'll have for dinner while he's going down on her. Or wondering what the hell she did in life to deserve being groped by a man with zero charm and halitosis so bad it could peel paint.

Speaking of halitosis, Mr. X could use an Altoid or two.

And speaking of Mr. X, he keeps referring to the movie Pretty Woman and saying to me: "Dreams can come true."

Unfortunately, I think to myself, they're his dreams, not mine.

****************************************************

Look what comes up when you search 'psycho' and 'Hitchcock' on flickr: Kick Ass Jack-O-Lanterns!

Dawn of the Dead


Of the Corn


Voodoo


Joker

Happy New Year!

Confetti Test_Times Square_reuters.com

MAY ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE....

BYOM

Yoda, Darth and a Shuffle by yinyang_flickr.com


Was with someone last night.
Very nice.
He was smart, fun and not bad-looking in a "nice Canadian boy" kind of way.
Complete opposite of Mr. X.
I mean, time just flew by and it was such a relief to be with someone who's easygoing.
This guy reminded me that not every man out there is a lame duck when it comes to women. For this, I say to him: Thank you.

Anyway, he and I were doing our thing in this middle-of-the-road hotel room, when from the TV's music station I hear these lyrics:
Cheeseburger in paradise
Heaven on earth with an onion slice
Not too particular not too precise
I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise

That song, in case you're wondering, is Cheeseburger in Paradise by Jimmy Buffett, a happy-go-lucky tune better suited for drowning a cold ale on a warm patio than for actually gettin' lucky.
As I quipped to the guy later "Nothin' says fuckin' like a cheeseburger in paradise." We laughed and laughed and laughed...

The point I'm making here is this: BYOM - or - Bring Your Own Music. If you're planning an intimate rendezvous away from home, don't forget the iPod. Hotel music selection isn't geared towards setting the right mood, so you may find that while in the middle of a passionate embrace, after you've been serenaded by a decent cover of You Are So Beautiful, along comes Jimmy in his white Bermuda shorts at the head of a conga line. Want in? No? Didn't think so.

Keep in mind, I'm counting on the fact that your idea of sexy music isn't 'Cheeseburger in Paradise'. If it is, well...try this on for size: Sex 'n' Luv

You're welcome ;)

Nite.

Missed the Target...by malavoda_flickr.com


Nite.

That was Mr. X's last text to me last night.

No smiley emoticon or C u soon...

Just Nite.

I think it's safe to say he's done with me. And if that's the case - I'm 99% sure it is - well then, that was fast.

Dude didn't even make it out of base camp. He crawled outside of his tent, found it a little nippy, and then crawled back in.

Pathetic.

Problem was, he thought he could buy my time and affection with trinkets in lieu of cash.
Sorry, but the bank won't accept chocolates, incense sticks and $25 gift certificates when I go to pay my rent tomorrow.

And that dress? Fug. I'll never wear it, and nobody I know wants it.

These are the signs things weren't going to end well:
1. He bored the crap out of me.
2. I talked too much because of #1.
3. He creeped me out by staring too much and asking too many questions.
4. Too many gifts. Before we even met he was shopping like a madman.
5. Too many text messages. An entire week of messaging before our first meeting and countless more after that.
6. He was shorter than me - which doesn't bother every guy - but it bothered him.
7. He never complimented me on my outfits. Weird, because dammit, I looked good.
8. Absolutely no physical/mental chemistry between us.
9. I couldn't french kiss him. My tongue curled up at the back of my mouth like a drunk on a bar stool and refused to budge.
10. When he wasn't around, I kept thinking to myself: I can't stand this guy.
11. When he leaned in to kiss me good night, I instinctively gave him my cheek. Not good.

So, what I thought would be a defining chapter in my life has turned out to be nothing but a footnote. Epic Fail.

Part of me is relieved to know I don't have to spend time with someone I truly dislike, and the other part of me, the part that has to eat now and then, sleep in a warm bed and wear clothes, is in deep mourning.

Now I'm wondering, who the fuck's next?

Mr. X

Tiger Dragon Yin Yang_babagene.net

This Simbol(Yin-Yang) represents the ancient Chinese understanding of how things work. The outer circle represents "everything", while the black and white shapes within the circle represent the interaction of two energies, called "yin" (black) and "yang" (white), which cause everything to happen. They are not completely black or white, just as things in life are not completely black or white, and they cannot exist without each other.

While "yin" would be dark, passive, downward, cold, contracting, and weak, "yang" would be bright, active, upward, hot, expanding, and strong. The shape of the yin and yang sections of the symbol, actually gives you a sense of the continual movement of these two energies, yin to yang and yang to yin, causing everything to happen: just as things expand and contract, and temperature changes from hot to cold. (fly.cc.fer.hr)

Service Worker dress_butikofer.com/store

Met someone recently. Let's call him "Mr. X". Only reason I mention it is because this pseudo-relationship could be significant. He's not my type, but in times of famine, who's the most attractive guy in the room? The one with the bread, that's who. If Mr. X behaves himself, he could be sticking around for a little while (a few months, that is) and he could potentially change my life for the better - and by better - I mean financially-speaking.

Some (ok, lots of) women get queasy at the notion of being with a man just for the opportunities he might bring her way. But name me one individual who's reached where they are today without the helping hand of another. You can't. Ok yes, I get it - there's the "ick" factor. You're required to be intimate with someone you're not attracted to. That's a tough one to deal with and probably why I'm still broke. However, I know I've certain skills with men which from time to time have served me well. And when it comes to paying the bills, you learn to get past the "ick" real fast.

Yesterday, Mr. X bought me a dress (pic above) from here. He didn't do too badly considering he's met me twice and doesn't know a thing about me except that he likes what he sees and I'm charming as hell. It's not my style, but in a pinch it could work as let's say...a church-going outfit? Did I mention he's religious? Well, he is. He goes to church every Sunday, and even though he isn't preaching to me (oh dear god, please don't let him start), he doesn't want me swearing in front of him. Not even "hell" is acceptable. Me, I've been to church service maybe three times in my entire life and had to struggle to stay awake. I think I'm a Baptist but I'm not absolutely sure. Needless to say, I have to suppress my rebel instincts around him. And by-the-by, how fitting is it that the dress is called "Service Worker"? I didn't notice that 'til now and I don't think he knew that when he bought it (it wasn't on the tags).

Now, the "success" of my relationship with Mr. X will depend almost entirely on how well I can convince him I'm just as much into him as he's into me. To put it mildly, he's not exactly the Yin to my Yang (or vice versa). I don't expect him to be, but unfortnately, that's what he expects from me. I gotta tell you, this shit ain't easy. Some women can pull it off and for that they should probably receive a medal - or at least write a book. For example, Wendy Deng and Rupert Murdoch. Can you imagine letting ol' Rupie eat you out every night? Does he take out his dentures first? Mr. X isn't Rupert Murdoch. He's no George Clooney, but then there can be only one George Clooney and the chances of meeting his real world twin are just about zip.

If things don't work out with Mr. X, I'll probably delete this entire post and never mention the matter again. You know, pretend it didn't happen? But if things do work out, you may be seeing me post pics from here in the not-so-distant future.

Uhhh...wish me luck?

Boxing Day

daylife.com

Eaton Centre_Dec. 24, 2008_flickr.com

Eaton Centre_Dec. 26, 2008_flickr.com

Shop! Damn it! It is Your Patriotic Duty!
The poster above says it all, doesn't it? I wonder, does anyone go shopping just to help out the economy? I doubt it. We don't shop to satisfy retailers - what a ridiculous notion. We shop because we need/want something, are bored/restless/gotta get out of the house or because we just don't feel "right" if we're not constantly replenishing our stash of shiny new things. Of course, when the money tree's bare, that puts a crimp in our plans, doesn't it?

I for one, am on a tight budget this holiday season - which is to say - I'm broke. There's really no point in spending what's left of my meager savings just because the sales are massive. Word is, retailers are soon going to be paying us to relieve them of their merch which is all fine and dandy, except I know by the time I'm ready to spend spend spend, there won't be the items I want available in my size or colour of choice. The other option is cyberspace retail but I've yet to pop my online cherry. Maybe 09's the year to start? I dunno. I've got to touch and try on something before I buy it - especially shoes. And I don't want to wait for its delivery either.

Couple years ago, I had the misfortune of stopping by the Eaton Centre on Boxing Day - I really don't remember what I needed so badly it couldn't wait another day. Never again. The crush of people, the warm, stuffy odours of B.O. and musty jackets...not my idea of a good time. Couldn't wait to get outta there. I don't even think everyone was there to shop/return stuff. I think some people went just to be part of a large, shuffling crowd. Maybe it beat the hell out of sitting at home, watching TV and listening to the in-laws yack all day long? I bet you yesterday, somewhere in the Eaton Centre, a frustrated relative bought a cone/box of fries/soda for another frustrated relative, shoved it into their grubby hands and thought: Now STFU!

Happy Holidays!

Dammit! Are you messing with me?!?