I'm Not a Whore

She's such a fucking disaster.

Last week, I spent time with a guy who really pissed me off cause he was so damned pushy. Just in case you're wondering, yes, it's different for "civilians" when it comes to being with an escort in a non-client capacity. I wanted to take things slow and get to know him better. He wanted to shove his tongue down my throat from the get-go.

True, I wasn't physically attracted to him, but he seemed pleasant enough from the outset and hinted at having connections to important people. I thought maybe this guy could help me get out of "the life" and onto something better. Sex was an option, if not a guarantee.

But he turned me off. He oozed sleaze and his cloying personality made me want to drown myself in bleach. The more I thought about him, the less I liked him, which is why I cancelled tonight's dinner plans. You see, even though I'm willing to be with someone in exchange for a shot at self-advancement, I'm not willing to spend time with someone I can't stand. Even if I don't have two nickels to rub together, I just can't do it.

Anyone with a modicum of self respect knows there's a line they can't cross. They know that if they do, they won't be able to sleep at night, or wake up in the morning not feeling dirty. They also know they won't be able look people in the eye when they talk to them or get rid of that knot in the pit of their stomach that tells them things aren't quite right.

I'm not saying whorish acts are irredeemable. People make mistakes and do things they regret; shit happens. But that's how we learn where our boundaries lie and what not to do the next time an opportunity with a hefty price tag comes along. We either negotiate a fair price or walk away. That's called integrity.

A whore, on the other hand, gets down on all fours and sucks like they've never sucked before - be it for a bump of coke or a job promotion. They feel no regret cause they believe they're not worth any better. Their motto? Anything. Anytime. Anywhere. Whores do things that turn other people's stomach with nary a backward glance. They sully everything they touch and anyone who has anything to do with them looks guilty by association. They've no dignity, self respect or class. Ethically, whores are the bottom feeders of society, although ironically, many of them occupy lofty, coveted social positions. What does it say about us that we promote people like this? Are we all whores, after all?

Well, I'm not.

Design Moment
David Regan
Knight's Pugh


Speed Tweeting

This little birdie can fly.

Conan's on Twitter

If anyone has any doubt about Twitter being the next powerhouse communication tool, consider this: Conan O'Brien posted a single, solitary tweet 5 hours ago and now he has 174,006 followers. Talk about an ego boost. How long, do you think, before he breaks a million? It's no secret we're all waiting for the next Conan project - be it on TV or the Internet - but in the meantime we've got his tweets to keep us going. I hope he keeps it up, cause you know he'll make even walking the dog sound funny. Yes, he's back! And I just want to say, Thank you, NBC, for firing Conan and saving comedy.

Ok, make that 180,567...

Has my point about Twitter sunken in yet? No? Well then, look at it this way: If Conan had posted a message on his Facebook "wall", there's no fucking way it would've reached over a quarter of a million people in less than 24 hours. None. When it comes to outreach, Facebook's exclusivity bites it in the ass. It's great for organizing parties, but not for organizing events - especially major ones. Let's face it, on the Information Superhighway, Twitter's a bullet train to Facebook's rusty shopping cart with the squeaky wheel that's always veering left.

So, if Conan and his crew put out a casting call for their next project, which medium would get the word out faster and to more people? Facebook or Twitter? And if you - as a writer/comedian/agent - want to get the jumpstart over everyone else, then which medium are you going to monitor more closely? Facebook or Twitter? If you chose the former, then you just lost your place in line, and possibly your shot at the opportunity of a lifetime. These days, who can afford to wait?

Let's make that 340,394...

Conan on Twitter: 377,647 followers and counting... (after 2 days and 2 tweets)
Conan on Facebook: His largest fan group has 41,709 fans (search results)

From the numbers above, you can see that when it comes to crowdsourcing capabilities, Twitter blasts Facebook out of the water and into outer space. If Conan's smart (and we all know he is), he's working on a project right now with the intent of promoting it no later than the summer. By firing him, NBC gave him the best publicity money can't buy, and he'll want to capitalize on the momentum of public interest before it runs cold. After all, in the age of Twitter, popularity has a shelf life of days, if not hours. I'd say Conan's lucky the entertainment world - in particular comedy - is a stale environment right now. It takes Herculean efforts to launch something on TV and on the Internet there's what? Funny or Die videos? C'mon, he's in the perfect position to blow our minds, and if he's half the "genius" people say he is, he'll do just that (before fall 2010).

Looks like Conan and his writers are getting ready to tickle our comedy tastebuds once again. From the comments: Are you really going to do a live show? When and where? Boston I hope!

+Conan O'Brien Eyeing Live Tour

Conan's number of followers has surpassed the half million mark. He now has 503,497 followers after 7 days and 8 tweets. Jay Leno who??

Japanese Bullets
Funki Porcini
Jonathan Rhys Meyers
Wild Man

Crap Over Cool

Meh. I've seen better.

Like this one. Basically, it's a landscape similar to the one above, but the colours "pop" in contrast to one another and it looks more alive than the example above, which lays flat and looks like a whole lotta blah.

I left the following comments over at Selectism, a blog I never visit but just happened to check out the other day. The first two weren't published and I expect the third won't be either, but I derive great satisfaction from knowing that someone - hopefully the asshat who rejected the first two comments - will read it. The post's subject was some crappy photog they lavished praise on just because he's shot a bunch of celebutards. No, I won't name him here cause he doesn't deserve a mention. Needless to say, if Mary Jo Whackadoodle from Salt Lake City had taken the pics they featured, no one would've given a fuck.

Name: missdelite
Zzzz...Christian Schmidt kicks this guy's ass.

Rejected! Ok, so snark didn't work. They don't have a sense of humour - or a sense of the Internet - do they? How about a little syrupy sucking up to fall in line with the other brown-nosing comments in an attempt to temper my blatant act of promotion?

Name: missdelite
Oh, awesome!
He and Christian Schmidt should do a co-project.


Rejected again! Whattup with that?? Do they have something against vision, heart and soul in art work? Cause this guy Schmidt has it in spades. Well, now I'm pissed.

Name: MediocreArt
Fine, don't publish my comments.
Obviously, you've got the market cornered on the IKEA crowd but you wouldn't know fantastic art if Picasso arose from the dead and pissed you a masterpiece. My 4-year-old niece takes better pics with her Fisher Price camera - maybe you can feature her work?
"Selectism"? Bwah! I crown you the king of selecting crap over cool. Be proud of your achievement and celebrate your mediocrity. You've earned it.

This comment's "pending approval" but I'm not holding my breath. I wrote it purely for the purpose of venting my frustration at someone who simply can't see something good when it's staring at him/her in the face. I liken it to wearing foggy goggles that afford only 10% visibility, and feeling comfortable doing it, not knowing how much access is being denied to better stuff out there. Screw Selectism. I won't be returning to that site for awhile and they've probably blocked my IP anyway.

Parlour Salon

Parlour Salon
6 Ossington Ave.

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