Natalie McLennan
When I say "$2000/hr hooker", you probably think of someone who looks like 1970s actress Barbara Bach & not politician's wife stand-in Natalie McLennan, right? I know I do.
What people don't understand is that there's a lot more that goes into being a high-end hooker than looking good in a tight skirt.
With this in mind, I've come up with a list of HIGH-END HOOKER DOS based on almost pure speculation:
DO
>Be on time
>Meet him sober
>Avoid awkward/stressful situations & long periods of silence
>Avoid showing irritation at anything he says/does
>Avoid showing boredom/impatience
>Avoid feeling jealous, resentful &/or possesive at all costs
>Avoid nitpicking, nagging & complaining at all costs
>Avoid talking about your job to your family, friends & associates (the fewer people who know the better)
>Avoid showing your face in online ads/video if it'll compromise your reputation
>Make sure your photos, ads & personal website (if you're an independent) are of a standard conducive to the type of client you want to attract (ie. high-quality, professional & tastefully seductive)
>Put effort into the tone of the text in your ads & website - some men actually read it & get turned on if it's done right
>Smile
>Be charming/sunny/lighthearted
>Have a mild sense of humour
>Laugh gently at his jokes
>Speak at a reasonable volume (not too loud/soft)
>Speak & write English well
>Be reasonably educated on general topics
>Admire his accomplishments
>Appear to be interested in everything he says/does
>Appear to be appreciative of everything he does for you
>Make him your number one priority/put his needs ahead of your own while you're with him
>Remember his name, what he does & his major interests in/outside of the bedroom
>Let him lead/take charge (unless he likes to be dominated)
>Be reasonably lenient with the allotted time if he's a regular
>Keep all the gifts, mementos etc. he's given you for as long as he's your client
>Put nervous clients/first-timers at their ease
>Get up before noon (unless you're "entertaining")
>Morning sessions
>Keep the phone on, 8am-2am
>Avoid answering the phone when you're with a client
>Avoid booking calls in front of other people
>Be discreet - keep to yourself everything that goes on between you & the client
>Know how to engage in light conversation
>Know when to stop talking
>Be a good listener
>Avoid talking about your past & his personal life (if it can be helped)
>Avoid soliciting advice, especially financial
>Avoid asking him for favours
>Be familiar with current newsworthy events
>Avoid talking about politics (unless solicited), voicing strong opinions & contradicting him on anything
>Express compassion for those less fortunate than you - show that you've a charitable heart
>Charm his friends/associates
>Shave/groom meticulously (not in front of him unless it's requested)
>Avoid going to the bathroom in front of him (unless it's requested)
>Avoid talking about your period & period sex - unless he's into it - or you manage to keep it from him by wearing a sponge/cup that prevents leakage
>Be manicured/pedicured
>Smell nice
>Ensure your body is free of obvious tattoos, piercings, bruises & scars
>Keep healthy
>Believe you're the hottest woman he's ever been with
>Own several tasteful outfits (for day), slutty/sleazy outfits & expensive lingerie (for private), formal wear (for functions) & resort wear (including lots of sexy swimsuits) for tropical getaways
>Own racks of high heels in a variety of styles (modest to kinky)
>Wear tastefully-applied makeup
>Avoid getting makeup on his clothes
>Wear a light scent unless you know he'll be seeing his SO (significant other) afterward
>Wear jewelry to suit the occasion
>Avoid leaving evidence of your presence at his place (e.g. condom wrappers) if he lives with someone
>Avoid going out looking disheveled & unkempt just in case he or an associate of his sees you
>Have great taste in everything
>Act classy
>Accept compliments graciously
>Be familiar with high culture (opera, ballet, classical music etc.)
>Know all the hot spots (restos, bars, clubs) & major sites/attractions in your vicinity
>Have impeccable table manners & proper dining room etiquette
>Have connections/be able to procure tickets to anything
>Act like his date at social functions
>Know a second, possibly third language (not always a deal breaker but it could be an asset)
>Appear to be aspirational, i.e. have a day job/degree/be a student
>Respond to endless horny text messages/emails
>Talk dirty
>Kiss (including french)
>Know several sex positions (the more the better)
>Moan & orgasm in a convincing manner
>Know how to do a seductive striptease
>Know how to do a proper massage
>Be ready to fuck anytime, anywhere
>Own lots of toys (vibes, dildos etc.), lubes, oils, condoms, costumes, clean sheets & towels, room sprays, pornos, tasteful music, alcohol & other beverages
>Keep your place clean, neat & smelling nice
>Have a good security system, screen calls & clients
>Trust your intuition re: skeevy clients/situations (avoid them)
>Own a strap-on & know how to use it
>Massage his prostate/stick a finger up his butt if requested
>Be well-versed in light bondage, S&M & domination techniques
>Avoid giving/receiving hickeys
>Avoid being spanked hard enough to leave a mark, bruise or welt
>Be open to facials (not the spa kind), anal sex/"greek", bareback sex, bareback oral sex, fisting, golden showers & other kinky sex acts (refusing to do these things isn't always a deal breaker but at $2000/hr, he might expect it)
>Know other hookers for impromtu 3somes, 4somes etc.
>Like to eat pussy/be with women, including his wife/girlfriend if requested
>Be open to fucking his friends/associates including 3somes etc. involving him & said friend(s)
>Be prepared for sessions that don't involve sexual intercourse (sometimes he may just want to chat, kiss, cuddle & oral)
>Move heaven & earth to help him orgasm if he's having "difficulty"
>Honour his requests no matter how perverse unless it really makes you queasy in which case you can try to gently steer him in another direction keeping in mind that this may be a deal breaker & if it is, you'll probably lose him as a client & heaven forbid, he may complain to your booker/agency owner &/or write a lousy online review that compromises your career
>Avoid reading online reviews if you can't handle criticism & inaccuracies
>Allow him to take sexy pics/vids of your body (not your face)
>Coke (not always a deal breaker but girls who "like to party" do longer calls)
>Drink alcohol (not excessively)
>Tolerate his smoking habit (if you're a non-smoker)
>Have a nice car at the ready
>Be ready to travel anywhere at a moment's notice
>Bump him to the front of the line if he's worth hanging on to
>Let him believe you're half in love with him or at the very least, that you like him
a lot 
Oh, baby...
Jon: Is this the easiest dance for pear-shaped white guys such as ourselves?
This jacket? I believe it's J. Crew, but don't quote me on that. 
Hey handsome, where're we going tonight?
