Halle Berry is Single and Other Exciting News for Guys
I doubt Gabriel Aubry will have trouble finding another woman who is both younger and more beautiful than Halle Berry. One who will hopefully have fewer "issues" than Halle.
Also, Halle Berry has had two husbands who cheated on her, a boyfriend who beat the hell out of her and now a baby-daddy who has left her. They all leave HER!! Not a good track record. Obviously, beauty is not everything. Maybe Halle has nothing else to offer the men who come into her life; perhaps she has too much baggage; perhaps she is a boring lump of insecurity. Men get tired of that shit, no matter how beautiful the woman is.
So, yeah, Halle will find another man (if she wants one) but will things turn out any better for her? Will she be happy again? I don't think so. Halle fucking Berry is not a happy woman.
I can smell the resentment from here.
You know that itch you can't scratch? It's actually caused by bathrobe crumbs worming their way into every orifice of your being. Soon you'll be nothing but a pile of Cheeto dust and cat hair moistened by the tears of your lost youth. A forensic team will sift through your moldy remains and conclude that death was caused by the rupture of a jealousy-induced ulcer that slowly over the years ate away at you from the inside out.
After hearing about your terrible fate, Jon Stewart will launch into a tirade on his show about the rise in deaths by Gossip Exhaustion. Word will reach Halle Berry and she'll offer to scatter your ashes from the deck of her 200 ft yacht parked in Port de Saint Tropez while her hunky assistant in the tightest shorts imaginable gently cradles her Oscar and looks on in admiration. His aviators will reflect the flashes of paparazzi bulbs, the locals will cheer, and your moment of glory will finally be realized, all thanks to Halle "Who the Hell Does She Think She is, Anyway?" Berry.
Back at your place, a lonely cat howls with hunger, waiting to be fed..