When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.—Norm Crosby
Instant Jury: The Court of Public Opinion
Order in the court!
Are you arguing with your roommate, girlfriend, or sibling? Can't resolve a debate in fantasy sports? Settle it here! Take your friends to court to tell your side of the story - while a public jury will vote on who's right! You can also help others settle their squabbles by joining a jury and weighing in.
CASE 1: SALES SWINDLERTHE STAKES: A cut of the commission.
Plaintiff: Jabba (35 years old_male_Los Angeles)
Arguments: As salesman, it is very hard to take a vacation. Part of our job is to service our existing accounts. This usually yields 5-10 phone calls a day with issues that need to be taken care of relatively quickly. When you go on vacation, you get someone to cover for you and give them an IOU for the next time they take vacation. Its not too difficult and usually results in the customer understanding that things wont get done as quickly.
Well, Manny was quick to react when one of my current clients called in with a sales lead. What he should have done was take down the info, call the account and tell them that I would be in touch with them first thing upon my return. Instead, he calls the account, takes them to lunch and closes the sale.
This is within the realm of our sales rules as new accounts are fair game for anyone. However, the gray area is that it should have been mine because it came from my client. I would have closed the deal and then tipped Manny for handling the lead. Instead, he got greedy and I want to be paid what is due to me.
Defendant: SignManny (30 years old_male_Los Angeles)
Arguements: Here I am trying to enjoy a beautiful Sunday thinking i still had 24 hours without having to see your fat ass and now this.....
You lost out on this one man. The sale needed to be maded within 2 days or they were going elsewhere. I felt the sense of urgency they needed and took down the sale. You added exactly 0% to the sales cycle so you shouldn't be paid 1 cold nickel.
The client who gave me the lead was extremely unhappy with your service as of late. I actually helped them out when you were away so they passed the lead on to me. Its not like they were suggesting our products because of your superior service. They wanted to buy something and they needed it today.
Hope you enjoyed your pina coladas while I was making bank. Sucker.
Plaintiff Closing Arguements: And now you are rubbing it in my face? You truly are a no shame salesman. My client recommended this customer because of the service I have given them for 3 years. The lead was generated due to my efforts. Don't try to pawn it off as a random sale. They could have just called the 800 number if they didn't want to be serviced by me. This sale was intended for me. It could have waited 3 more days for me to return and close it. You saw $$ signs and went after it. Legal but not cool. We should split the commish and let me service it from here on out.
Defendant Closing Arguements: Like someone said below.....this is the way it works. I plan on cutting you some cash for the lead but there is no way you deserve to split it 50/50 and inherit the client. They know me now and are comfortable. Why would we change service reps after the sale. That would not be right for the client.
COMMENTS
You guys argue a lot. I think maybe you need to take it outside and finish it once and for all.
Sales is a tricky game. I have been in sales for 15 years. We all get freebies like this every once in awhile. It all comes around and evens out.
Hmm...hard to feel the warm fuzzies for someone who ends their opening argument with "Sucker."
Are you really taunting him or is this just bullpen banter?
VERDICT
Plaintiff Jabba = Winner with 57.1% of the vote
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CASE 2: BALD EAGLE PRANK CALLTHE STAKES: A case of beer for Uncle Dave.
Plaintiff: Spoiler (20 years old_male_Philadelphia)
Arguements: My friend and I love to make prank calls and record them. Most are harmless problems we present to people just to see how they handle them.
James called my Uncle's taxidermy shop with the prank call attached as evidence.
My Uncle thought it was for real and started to bug out. He closed the shop and went home because he thought he was having a heart attack.
I told him it was all a joke but he is still pretty pissed. I think James needs to right the wrong here.
Defendant: BookIt! (18 years old_male_Philadelphia)
Arguements: So Uncle Dave is mad huh? The same Uncle Dave that used to chase me around the basement with the stuffed badger when I was 6? The same Uncle Dave who told me to get something from the shed and then shot me in the ass with a bb gun last summer? The same Uncle Dave who told my girlfriend that he she had a nice rack?
Yeah...I feel real bad for him. My only regret is that I should have kept him on the line longer. His high pitched voice was making me laugh though.
Plaintiff Closing Arguements: Those are all perfect examples of why not to mess with Uncle Dave and those were all unprovoked! Now you pissed him off. He knows you have been emailing this to people and he is looking for revenge.
I would take your lumps and go apologize asap.
Defendant Closing Arguements: As I told him in the call, "I will be down in 15 minutes...you be there mother fucker."
I'm tired of his games. Glad he got a dose of his own medicine.
EXHIBIT A
Bald Eagle Short.mp3
COMMENTS
OMG!!! That shit is HYSTERICAL. I feel for your uncle but that is too good.
Dude that is genius. F your uncle. He has to appreciate the talent to make that call.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Love it. I would have a heart attack too.
VERDICT
Defendant BookIt = Winner with 71.4% of the vote
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CASE 3: BOOB JOB PAY FOR?!STAKES: We split the cost, you pay the whole thing or we wait.
Plaintiff: jeff (29 years old_male_New Castle)
Arguements: Let me start by saying that I'm a "below the belt" kind of guy. Boobs aren't that important to me, if you have them ... great, if not I don't care.
When I met my girlfriend she would mention in passing that she wanted to get a boob job. She said she was waiting for the right time and that she had the money saved up. As we dated more and more she made more comments in passing. Finally the other weekend she thought that we should split the bill for her boobs since we would both be enjoying them. She said it half kidding around but I know there was some intent there. I said to her that I don't have an issue helping pay for them if that is what she really wanted, but I'd rather wait until we have more of a commitment. Like being engaged or married before I make such an investment...
Defendant: aussie (29 years old_female_New Castle)
Arguements: I've wanted bigger boobs for years, and yes I have money saved up for them. However, to your point if we are going to eventually get engaged/married I'd like to have some of that money to help pay for the festivities. My reasoning is that it's not like you won't be enjoying them. I'm getting them for you as well, so why not chip in a bit. Maybe not half but a little something. I'd want them before I get married so I look good in all the pics!
COMMENTS
Does your girlfriend want these or do you? If it's both then I think you need to split them dude. Split them and enjoy! Fake boobs are much better then real ones. They stand straight up and don't go all over the place when they are let off the leash.
An unmmarried man should never offer to pay or split the bill on enhancements of this type. Particularly if you did not ask for them. And f'k it - if she does go ahead and get them on her own you make damn sure you enjoy them and don't think twice about not helping foot the bill. Ask yourself this, or her for that matter, if she ends the relationship for whatever reason is she willing to leave one teet behind? (after all she is asking you to go split-skees).
Once she gets those things, she will be out on the prowl and you will be left in the dust with nothing but a receipt and hopefully a good mental snapshot.
Ask her for a pretitual agreement. If the relationship ends you get your money back Otherwise -NO F***ING WAY.
"fake boobs are much better than real ones"? Amazing...we've finally had an entire generation raised on fake boob porn and they're convinced there's something wrong with nature. Knew this time was coming but still shaking my head.
Tell her sure...as long as she splits the cost of the new 50 inch plasma tv you want. If she splits, you still have a tv.
The defendant is clearly getting these for herself, why the heck should the plantiff have to pay for anything? She wants to alter her body to make herself feel and look better and thats fine, but trying to justify this to get her boyfriend to pay for part of it? STUPID!
We all see right through those A cup titays of yours, this is selfish on your part, these are for you, pay up.
Women are amazed that we men love boobs - they cannot believe the power their boobs have over us - she is getting the store bought babies so she has power and if you don't really care, she is gonna move on anyway. Don't pay for any part of them and you will get to enjoy them before she shoves off for good, in search of a guy she can control!
VERDICT
Plaintiff jeff = Winner with 94.1% of the vote
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CASE 4: FIANCE CHEATERSTAKES: To tell or not to tell.
Plaintiff: Sir Grapefellow (30 years old_male_Phoenix)
Arguements: Wow...this one is TOUGH. We really need some help here.
My best friend is engaged to my fiance's best friend. We always hang out together so the four of us have become very close.
We went to a Super Bowl party with a large number of people because we are naturally Cards fans. My friend went to the game in Tampa so his fiance came with us.
The party started early so we got really, really, really drunk. We were having a blast (besides the outcome of the game of course) so the night continued pretty late. There as a handful of people still partying but most had cleared out.
I had to work the next day so I had to wrap things up. I went to look for my gal who I thought was outside having a smoke. When I opened the door, I see my boys fiance locking lips with another dude. They didnt even see me. I ducked back in and thankfully found my gal standing right behind me. I sent her out to break it up.
We grabbed a cab home with drunken friends fiance who was extremely wasted. She had no idea what she had just done. I decided to play dumb until I could sort it out with my woman.
This is a damned if you do damned if you dont situation. I feel that being drunk is not really an excuse. Then again, I really don't want to expose this if it was a mistake. They are very happy together and I love both of them. But, i feel that keeping this from my friend would be betraying him but by telling him, my fiance may be betraying her best friend.
HELP!
Defendant: MandM (30 years old_female_Phoenix)
Arguements: So now you know the situation, here is my side of the story.
My friend knows I saw her but does not think anyone else did. She does not remember it all. She didnt even believe me when I told her. She as CRUSHED and has been crying for 3 days. She made me promise that I would not tell my man but little does she know, he saw it firsthand.
I did not recognize the guy so I feel as if it would not get out through any other source. However, I feel that she truly made a mistake and we should leave it at that. She was totally not herself this day. The excitement in this city was higher than it has ever been so I think we all just got a little carried away.
I think we should let the two of them sort it out and pretend we know nothing.
Plaintiff Closing Arguements: I'm pretty sure that we are not the only ones that know about this. The guy she hooked up with had to know someone at that party and may have said something. I would rather him hear it from her than us but the worst would be if he heard it from someone else. If he did, we would all look like we were betraying him.
I have been friends with this guy since the day we were born. He would expect me to say something. If it breaks them up, maybe it was all for the better.
Defendant Closing Arguements: This WILL not get out. I do not want to even think of what it would be like to ruin their relationship and never see either of them again.
This was a stupid mistake that was made on a very drunken night. The remorse is there, the heartache is there, we do not need to do anything else.
The lesson has been learned. Lets leave it at that for all of our sakes. Some things are better left unsaid. End of story.
COMMENTS
Sounds like either way, someone will get hurt.
If she did it once she'll do it again. Her slut mentality was just buried in the back of her brain. A few drinks just allowed it to come out. What would happen if she went further with the guy and got pregnant? And then didnt remember it? Would she pawn of the child as her husbands? Rat that broad out.
Why not just pretend you were drunk and you didnt see it? I'd mind my own. If you say something, he may stay with her anyway and it could hurt your relationship.
you have to tell. be a man.
I'm sensing a little too much sympathy from the plaintiff's fiance. Are we sure she hasn't acted the same way at some parties where the plaintiff wasn't present? Or maybe the plaintiff's fiance cheated on him with the plaintiff's best friend, which is why she doesn't want to bring the subject of cheating up.
no way...it's just not your place. What if your friend becomes irrational and get pissed at you. I've seen friendships end over less than this. Think about it - you and your friend don't stand to gain anything from this.
Don't be the messenger!! If they are truly in love, they will stay together anyway - despite this bump in the road. Then you will be the friend that 'tried to break them up.' Never insert yourself in a friend's relationship. I know you've known him since birth, but if he loves her, he will side with her and you will be 'the dead messenger.'
She is just going to cheat on him, catch alot of STD's, give it to him and then look at the mess she caused.
VERDICT
Defendant MandM = Winner with 100% of the vote
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