Snark Attack

I don't care if she writes her own shit, picks her own outfits or can carry a tune. She's being paid to be a spectacle - nothing more and nothing less. If that's what I wanted, I'd go see Cirque-de-freaking-Soleil.

[via]

10 Things

Colette

10 Things Not to Do in Paris

Central Park

10 Things Not to Do in New York City

Chinatown

10 Things Not to Do in San Francisco

New York City on a Budget

Munich

What Not to Wear: Dress Codes Worldwide
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In 2030

1. Lady Gaga will be considered one of the "greats" in music history.
2. Lady Gaga will be lauded as a pioneer alongside David Bowie, Madonna and the Gloved One.
3. Lady Gaga's outfits will be auctioned for hundreds of thousands of dollars.
4. Lady Gaga memorabilia will be considered sacred relics of a bygone era.
5. Lady Gaga's music videos will be considered either a) the gold standard of the medium or b) the last great examples of the medium.
6. The "Gaga Effect" will be a major influence on females in the industry, to the point where:
7. Female pop singers will only wear crotch-baring outfits in public.
8. Female pop singers will perform nude. Their nether regions will be pixilated to everyone in the viewing audience except for those who get to see them live.
9. Female pop singers will no longer eat.
10. Female pop singers will inhale electrolytic air and boast about how full they feel after a "meal".
10. Female pop singers will no longer sing.
11. In lieu of singing, female pop singers will dance, moan, grunt, snarl, yell and throw things.
12. Female pop singers will be celebrated for their songwriting skills, which will be viewed as an example of female "empowerment" - or the 2030 equivalent thereof.
13. Female pop singers will adopt a cause and become its poster woman. They will align themselves with a marginalized group that has deep pockets and can afford their merchandise (eg. Asthmatic Albino Investment Bankers). In other words, the gorillas are fucked. (But who are we kidding? There won't be any gorillas in 2030.)
14. Female pop singers will wear product logos embedded in their nail polish, contact lenses, dental veneers and tongue. These logos will change daily.
15. Girls will emulate and idolize female pop singers. They'll deride their mother's nostalgia for the days when female pop singers cared more about fashion than nudity, sang instead of grunted and there was this one pop star called "Lady Gaga" who was like nothing anyone had ever seen before.

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Front St. & Jarvis St.__Jul.09

Elm St.__Mar.10__[daily dose of imagery]

+Tyson & Noah
+Spring Fever Fashion
+Gaga Gallery
+Hold the Phone
+Gettin' Winched
+Yakuza Journo
+Monk's Saviour

LINKS
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+2010 Hot Spot It List

Snark Attack

I love the James Bond-ish quality of this, and kudos for actually getting into the party.

But Rupert Murdoch?

That's like breaking out of Alcatraz, swimming across Frisco Bay, staggering up on land right in front of the Ghirardelli chocolate store, and choosing instead to lick a Hershey's Kiss wrapper you pulled from under a used condom.

Gross.

[via]

Picture This

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher

Vanity Fair has a photo gallery online called "Power Couples". There are the Reagans, the Kennedys, Schwarzenegger and Shriver and - amongst others - Demi and Ashton. I don't think I'd qualify them as a power couple (they're not exactly a force to be reckoned with in Hollywood), but the reason I'm posting their pic is...well... look at her. The caption says that he's 32 and she's 48 but it's obvious plastic surgery, lighting, airbrushing and her submissive pose have shaved off at least 20 years from her appearance. Hell, she could even pass for 17. And it bugs the shit out of me. It's almost as if she and the photographer are trying to tell us that the last 20 years of her life never happened. Why? Why deny us a glimpse of the hard-fought battles, triumphs and heartache only time can bring? Why is it so terrible for this woman - or any woman, for that matter - to admit that even though life hasn't always been a walk in the park, she's only grown stronger and better along the way? I'll tell you why: men. Sexist, insecure men. More importantly: male sexual interest.

Allow me to explain. You see, in a circle of women, the older, more experienced woman has the authority. Her words carry weight and as a result, other women listen to her (whether they like it or not). In a circle of men, the opposite is true. The youngest, prettiest woman holds sway and captures their attention. If there's an older woman present, she's seen as "one of the guys" and - for better or worse - can't use her sexuality as an instrument of influence. She can try, but runs the risk of a blunt refusal and being labeled a "crazy bitch". Male sexual interest is the reason transitioning between young and old is hell for a lot of women because they inevitably discover that they can no longer rely on it to pave their way in life. And for the record, any woman who denies she's received benefits over the years due to said interest, is either a bold faced liar, ignorant beyond belief or never tapped into her sexuality to begin with.

Demi takes this dynamic between men and aging, sexually attractive women and magnifies it a million fold. She's spent thousands of dollars staving off looking her age and will continue to do so for as long as her face and body will allow it. By dating and marrying Ashton, she's fully embraced the Young Hollywood Beauty lifestyle, thereby keeping herself in the loop and still relevant in a brutally ageist environment. Because of this, she's still considered a celebrity although ironically, as an actress, she doesn't get any roles. The sad fact is, writers, directors and producers (most of whom are men) don't know what to do with a sexually attractive 48-year-old woman. When it comes to older women, sex and the movies, the best they can do is produce comedies like "It's Complicated" with Meryl Streep or "Something's Gotta Give" with Diane Keaton. Older women and sex are fucking hilarious, aren't they? Heaven forbid should someone write a mature portrayal of a hot 48-year-old woman in a compelling relationship with a man of comparable strength and weakness. Relationships are a breeding ground for dramatic material: the breakups and makeups; the backstabbing, misunderstandings and lies; meddlesome families, friends and co-workers - it's a writer's bacchanalian feast for the senses. But no one's doing it on a grand, cinematic scale. Instead we get the same tired period pieces, war dramas and - yawn - animated fairy tales. The men of Hollywood avoid producing stories about mature, exciting women like they avoid period talk. And they find the topic of these women's experiences just as distasteful. They see absolutely no value in these types of stories, seek almost zero input from women on the creative front and use the big screen as their own personal playground. Fuck women. What do they know about movies, anyway?

The only glimmer of hope I see as far as interesting roles for mature women on screen are concerned, is the TV show "The Good Wife". It's the only program that qualifies as a "must see" for me and I actually look forward to seeing it Tuesday nights. It's been consistently good on every front, doesn't belittle any of the characters and it doesn't bore me to tears. The only thing I'm waiting for is the moment Alicia (played by Julianna Margulies) tells her estranged husband (played by Chris Noth) to go to hell and really mean it. After all the crap he's pulled, she's yet to have her cathartic moment and I know as an actress, Julianna can deliver the goods. I hope the writers don't wuss out and deny her the opportunity. After all, who doesn't want to see a philanderer - even a fictional one - taken down a notch or two? Besides actual philanderers, of course. I know I do, and this is the show to do it.

["The Good Wife" was created and produced by husband and wife team Robert and Michelle King. Joining them as producers are Tony and Ridley Scott (Alien, Blade Runner, Thelma and Louise, Gladiator, Black Hawk Down) and David Zucker.]

+Why Do People Keep Getting Plastic Surgery?
+'ER' Veteran Tries Life as a Politician's 'Good Wife'
+Ridley Scott - bio

This is close as you're going to get to the "real" Demi Moore.

Also from Vanity Fair's "Power Couples": Amy Poehler and Will Arnett in a fun take on classic Hollywood roles.
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Oscar Buzzzzzz...

I'd rather watch this guy than the fucking Oscars. Hell, I'd rather watch Oscars fucking than the fucking Oscars.

Holy mac-n-cheese, the Oscars is sooooo boooorrrinnngggg! How do they manage to out-drone themselves every year? Granted, I haven't seen any of the movies. Do you wanna know why? Cause they're boring! Not a "must-see" in the bunch! How is it I've been brainwashed into thinking this show is still relevant? I don't care about a single one of these actors, directors, producers, make up artists...boring! Right now, I've the TV on mute cause the endless parade of nobodies and way-too-familiar faces I've seen way-too-many times were depressing the hell out of me. Animated Short?? Who gives a fuck about this, besides the two guys who edited the damn thing in their basement and their goddamned mothers? I'm going to switch over to Nip/Tuck and find out what I missed tomorrow. Fuck it. Life's too short for this shit.

Here's a drinking game: Imbibe a shot of your favourite beverage every time you spot a guy over 40 wearing a girdle (*whisper* Alec Baldwin), a statuesque starlet in a silver gown that matches the set design (Gabourey didn't get the memo), a not-so-blond starlet with her dark roots showing (sweet jeebus, bishes - don't you make enough to get a touch-up?) and every time you curse yourself for sitting through another chapter of this geriatric juggernaut as it labours and wheezes under the weight of its self-congratulatory, ass-licking, back-stabbing, fake-Botox-grinning, millions-flushed-down-the-crapper attempt to pilfer more money out of your pocket.

Aren't you drunk yet??

That's ok, you've still got plenty of time.

UPDATE
[11:43pm]
Oh look, Jeff Bridges just won. Umm..woohoo? I've nothing against the guy - I've enjoyed him in several movies and somehow he's managed to keep the gossip hounds out of his face - but what was he in again? Yeah, thought so.

Disposable Affair

It's biodegradable!

As it turns out, Mr.Kamikaze is ok. He's been travelling around Africa and supposedly coming home today or tomorrow. Huh. Thing is, I completely forgot my place in this situation and didn't realise that when a client sends "I miss you" messages every other day, and then disappears for a week without contact, it doesn't actually mean anything. I'm not supposed to be concerned. Heaven forbid I actually have an emotion. No, no, no. That's not allowed. I'm hired to turn it on when he wants it, and turn it off when he doesn't. Never mind that I'm actually a human being first, and an escort second. Humans are messy; escorts are efficient. That's why they call us pros. My mistake, and believe me, it won't happen again.

Now you know why women in this business get jaded. I thought it couldn't happen to me, and yet here I am.

Where is He?

Damn you, Icarus. Don't you know those wings are made of wax??

Mr. Kamikaze has disappeared. I haven't heard from him in a week and I've no clue what's happened. This, after several weeks of exchanging "I miss you" texts and emails.

He ran into a spot of trouble in Africa, which I won't elaborate on cause it's no one's business, but immediately after giving me the news, his messages stopped and he hasn't been responding to mine. Actually, he might be on his way back home right now to sort things out, but I really don't know.

Some men get funny when they run into difficulty. They shut down and don't let anyone in for fear of looking weak and stupid. I can only assume he's cut me off for this reason - cause like I said - he's not talking to me.

If, however, he's in jail or has been captured by pirates, he'll have a series of increasingly despondent texts and emails to come home to.

At this point, I've pretty much written off the notion of ever seeing him again.

Of course...he could be dead. That, too, is a possibility.