I'd rather watch this guy than the fucking Oscars. Hell, I'd rather watch Oscars fucking than the fucking Oscars.Holy mac-n-cheese, the Oscars is sooooo boooorrrinnngggg! How do they manage to out-drone themselves every year? Granted, I haven't seen any of the movies. Do you wanna know why? Cause they're boring! Not a "must-see" in the bunch! How is it I've been brainwashed into thinking this show is still relevant? I don't care about a single one of these actors, directors, producers, make up artists...boring! Right now, I've the TV on mute cause the endless parade of nobodies and way-too-familiar faces I've seen way-too-many times were depressing the hell out of me. Animated Short?? Who gives a fuck about this, besides the two guys who edited the damn thing in their basement and their goddamned mothers? I'm going to switch over to Nip/Tuck and find out what I missed tomorrow. Fuck it. Life's too short for this shit.
Here's a drinking game: Imbibe a shot of your favourite beverage every time you spot a guy over 40 wearing a girdle (*whisper* Alec Baldwin), a statuesque starlet in a silver gown that matches the set design (Gabourey didn't get the memo), a not-so-blond starlet with her dark roots showing (sweet jeebus, bishes - don't you make enough to get a touch-up?) and every time you curse yourself for sitting through another chapter of this geriatric juggernaut as it labours and wheezes under the weight of its self-congratulatory, ass-licking, back-stabbing, fake-Botox-grinning, millions-flushed-down-the-crapper attempt to pilfer more money out of your pocket.
Aren't you drunk yet??
That's ok, you've still got plenty of time.
UPDATE
[11:43pm]
Oh look, Jeff Bridges just won. Umm..woohoo? I've nothing against the guy - I've enjoyed him in several movies and somehow he's managed to keep the gossip hounds out of his face - but what was he in again? Yeah, thought so.
