Missed the Target...by malavoda_flickr.com
That was Mr. X's last text to me last night.
No smiley emoticon or C u soon...
I think it's safe to say he's done with me. And if that's the case - I'm 99% sure it is - well then, that was fast.
Dude didn't even make it out of base camp. He crawled outside of his tent, found it a little nippy, and then crawled back in.
Problem was, he thought he could buy my time and affection with trinkets in lieu of cash.
Sorry, but the bank won't accept chocolates, incense sticks and $25 gift certificates when I go to pay my rent tomorrow.
And that dress? Fug. I'll never wear it, and nobody I know wants it.
These are the signs things weren't going to end well:
1. He bored the crap out of me.
2. I talked too much because of #1.
3. He creeped me out by staring too much and asking too many questions.
4. Too many gifts. Before we even met he was shopping like a madman.
5. Too many text messages. An entire week of messaging before our first meeting and countless more after that.
6. He was shorter than me - which doesn't bother every guy - but it bothered him.
7. He never complimented me on my outfits. Weird, because dammit, I looked good.
8. Absolutely no physical/mental chemistry between us.
9. I couldn't french kiss him. My tongue curled up at the back of my mouth like a drunk on a bar stool and refused to budge.
10. When he wasn't around, I kept thinking to myself: I can't stand this guy.
11. When he leaned in to kiss me good night, I instinctively gave him my cheek. Not good.
So, what I thought would be a defining chapter in my life has turned out to be nothing but a footnote. Epic Fail.
Part of me is relieved to know I don't have to spend time with someone I truly dislike, and the other part of me, the part that has to eat now and then, sleep in a warm bed and wear clothes, is in deep mourning.
Now I'm wondering, who the fuck's next?