*I was always so anti-social and never made friends until it just clicked and I was ready for it. (And I don't drink, so bars were not going to happen.) I would just say that you can't force it. And have confidence that you are awesome enough for people to want to hang out with you.
*I lived for two summers in a tiny town where I didn't know anyone-- of course I joined the nuthouse church, stocked with single hot boyz, and kept my mouth shut. I had so much fun laughing on the inside every time they trashed left-wing liberals while sitting in the church playing Texas Hold 'Em. Especially when I won.
All this leads me to say... pick something way outside of your comfort zone to do! I won't say I made lifelong friends, but I definitely learned a lot about "Real America" and myself.
*I would like to point out that once I actually did eat pop tarts for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and I broke out in hives all over my body. True story.
*The only thing that gets me cracking is fear. Which means I usually start my assignments on the eleventh hour. I have two papers to hand in on Monday and I haven't even looked at the texts yet. Oops.
*I know the feeling - I got dumped 2 weeks ago and have been drinking alone more than I want to think about as a result. I think I'm going to go see an old fuck buddy of mine and get drunk and have dirty dirty sex and most likely cry later. I'm so sorry. I hope things get better for you...and your cat.
*My current issue is that I eloped recently and no one knows. I dropped the announcements, which I labored over, in the mailbox on Friday and I am awaiting the sh*tstorm. Has anyone else eloped?
>@__:That was a concern that didn't come to me until after I dropped the annoncements off, I was like...maybe people wont even believe its for real :) We decided to elope because both sides of the fam were going NUTS over wedding stuff and it was gettin ugly. Thats also why we decided not to call and tell anyone so that no one can get pissy about who got called first and when and BLAH BLAH BLAH...everyone is going to be on the same page. But I am happier than ever, thanks everyone for the congrats!
>@__:Thanks! It actually felt pretty badass when we were doing it, particularly because we got married on top of a mountain in Nevada at sunset and we had to take a Hummer (bad for environment but fun to ride in) up some pretty rough terrain to get there, so it felt like a super covert mission...super fun :)
>@__:I agree about a wedding being a celebration of the joining of two families, but our families were non-cooperative to say the least. When my husband's father told us that if we got married at the local botanical gardens (which was my dream) and not in the synagogue, that our marriage would be cursed by God, I had to tap out.
*THE MUFFINS ARE OKAY, I REPEAT, THE MUFFINS ARE OKAY. I am going to eat one now.
*So I have a crush on the new guy at work. It started when him and I got to talking about movies and he told me he was excited for the movie The Road, the adaptation of the Cormac McCarthy novel. So we got to talking about McCarthy and I asked him if he had read Blood Meridian. And he had. And I proceeded to get, as I have seen Jezzies saying lately, a ladyboner.
However, I don't think I could ask him out because: 1) My coworkers act like nosy-ass fucking high school kids, and if they ever saw that I had a crush on him they would like nothing better than to fuck it up for me and 2) I have zero confidence, and 3) I am hella afraid of being rejected. And I think I have been a little bit too giggly and smitten with him (I can't help it!) because one asshole coworker made a point to make rude remarks about my weight and clothes in front of him. Gah.
What should I do?
>@__:1. Punch your co-worker in the face.
2. Ask him out.
Um... I work at home so my advice is probably no good, but that's what I would do. Totally.
>@__:Yeah, I think I should just wait. I don't wanna jump the gun and make a fool of myself. He is so sweet and cool though! I hope that he doesn't pull some dick move that completely shatters my image of him while I wait it out...
@__:Ha! I SO would if I could. I don't understand people who are malicious like that for no reason.
>@__:Wait until one of you leaves the job. I know it sounds like a non-solution, but in that environment it's not going to work and the petty bastards will do everything to sabotage you guys and have fun doing it.
In the meantime become good friends.
Also? Don't ignore the bastards. Make them hurt. Keep a log of all the petty bullshit they do, and work policies they break. Even the little shit no one cares about. Comments like that warrant a trip to HR. Stand them down. After the last job I left I realized too late I had more power than I realized.
But if they're malicious? Throw it passive-aggressively back at them. Just whatever you do, don't just sit there and take it.
*Confession: More than once I've been tempted to tell the kiddos that I teach, that half the shit they are struggling to learn, they will never use anyway.
>@__:I've had teachers tell me that, and it actually made me like the class more. "You won't use it, but you may, and you need to know it to move on, so let's suck it up together and learn US History (again)."
>@__:Word I am a teacher too and I know your sentiments exactly. Also, I feel like sometimes I want to yell... "YOU NEED TO LEARN TO BE A CRITICAL READER-this isn't just about Piggy and his glasses, it's about social order/disorder! Think about this in our world, ask educated questions to our leaders, look for hidden meaning!"
*I want a boyfriend. :( How do I get one?
>@__: Try teh internetz. Post a pic (head & body) and be honest with who you are and what you want. When men start writing to you, you're going to start to separate them into 2 categories: ones to pass the time with, and ones to build a relationship with.
The silly dumb immature ones will sate you until you can form a friendship with the good ones.
Flirt and have fun with the first group; they are there to stroke your ego. I think you can generally tell who's serious and who's just dicking around online. Flirt and have fun but also focus more on being friends first with the guys from the second group. No phone/im/email/real sex with the second group for a while. Write letters and learn about each other and your interests. That way you have a better chance of building something of the heart. Then have all the crazy (but protected and std-tested) sex you want.
Don't discount anyone based on age, ethnicity or location, and these are more guidelines than rules (because who says you can't find love from a silly dumb immature guy? Isn't that just the definition of a man? :) ) Rules are crap, do what feels right for you.
>@__: They're not that great. Get a pet. (Am a bit jaded.)
*No one here knows who I am, really, but I am going to post this anyway and see what y'all think.
I signed up for OkCupid and I "met" this one guy. I am nervous to meet him, but I think it's just the fact that I "met" him online. Should I do it? If I try to be reasonable about it (i.e., meet him in a public place)? Has anyone done this and lived to tell the tale? Ha.
>@__: Give it a try. I've been on numerous internet dates and some have been great, some less so. Still worth a try. Everyone acts like it's creepy to meet people from the internet but I don't see the difference between that and a bar.
But do meet him first in a public place. I've had ones ask me to go over to their apt, redddd flag.
>@__: Why not? Just be safe. I'm at the date 6ish point with a match.com guy, I have a friend who married a guy from match, and another who has been with his okc girlfriend for a year and a half.
Worst thing is that you lose the cost of dinner and get a practice date so you'll be less nervous next time.
>@__: Do it. Same amount of risk as any other form of dating. Really.
>@__: My friend tried internet dating and we always went on a double-date when it was her first time meeting someone. If she felt comfortable enough we would split up halfway through. Maybe one of your friends could do the same?
>@__: I have recently started the whole OkCupid thing, and have almost gone out with one guy, but decided he just creeped me out too much so I didn't end up doing anything with him. I started talking with another guy who I did go out with, had a great time and still talk to and have made plans to go out with again. While I don't think anything serious will happen, I don't really think he's my type, I enjoyed his company.
So I guess what I am saying is go with your gut. If you feel like it isn't right, don't do it.
>@__: I've dated online a lot. I met my most recent ex on OkCupid. We dated almost 2 years. Before the first online date I make sure I know their first and last name and that we've talked on the phone so I have a phone number for them. I then give that information, along with where we're meeting, to my best friend and arrange to call her to check in by 11 pm. I also leave all information about the guy (including their online name) written out on my kitchen table. It may sound paranoid, but it makes me feel safer and no one has ever kidnapped me and killed me, so I figure it's ok:-)
>@__: I've never heard of OKCupid, but I did Match for a while and met up with quite a few people I "met" there...for varying levels of success but always safe. And other friends have had quite a bit of luck on Eharmony, I think the bottom line is go for it as long as you meet in a safe place (Starbucks, restaurant etc) its really not that different from a blind date.
Bit of an aside, one guy I dated for a bit from Match.com, I ended up interviewing with several years later for a job. I had totally blown him off and when I saw him walking towards me for the interview I totally buckled. My friend works there, and he claims he doesn't remember me, but it was definitely "omg, i must leave this city" moment.
*Although I refer to Mr__ as my husband due to a hatred of the word "fiancee", we are not technically married until a week from today. I just learned from my mother that my evil stepsister is attempting to make my wedding all about her --just like everything else in life has to be- and am not sure how to stop it since my stepfather is indulging her selfishness. Mr__ says to just let her be a bitch because it only makes her look bad, but I've been ignoring her hurtful behavior my entire life. She made my life hell in high school, spread horribly untrue rumors about me, posted intimate details of my life online using my full name and highly identifiable information, etc. etc. I want to finally put a stop to her antics, but don't know how to without alienating my stepfather, who I love. Should I just let it go, or should I stand up for my wedding day?
>@__: This is a bit of Dr. Laura-style advice and I hate to say it, but your relationship with your stepfather already sucks if he has allowed her behavior to go on this long and he's backing her in her plan to screw you over on your wedding day.
What I suggest is that you let her bring this dope she intends to bring (who knows if he'll come--after all he just met her and she wants to invite him to an intimate family wedding????) and don't say anything about it. Caterers have to deal with the occasional extra plate and if you have to pay to keep her in line, then do.
Smile and remember that your love for your hubby is what matters--channel Michelle and Barack for the day--then never, ever let her or your stepfather get away with this shit again. EVER. EITHER ONE OF THEM.
Tell your stepfather that you love him, but you won't put up with his enabling this horrible creature that he birthed ever again. Enumerate the issues and problems for his benefit. This might be a good talk to have with your mom present. And then tell him that you will no longer participate in this game she plays and in which he helps her. And don't.
Frankly she sounds like she has major mental health issues and needs help which she will not get until life stops working for her. Her father is not helping her at all and he is the one ruining his relationship with you.
*My Best Friend has sort of dropped off the face of the world. A year and a half ago her Mum died and she took some time away from us to sort herself out, but since she told us she was getting back in contact, she has ignored text messages, phone calls and emails. She deleted only her closest friends from her facebook (but left some of our mutual friends on there). It has become so hard to get in contact with her that her other best friend had to phone her at work to get her to even answer. I'm getting sick of it, but still want her around (she was basically my first ever female friend). Any advice for me oh wise Jezebels??
>@__: You could send her a letter via snail mail letting her know that you miss her. That way at least she knows and you won't have the awkwardness of waiting for an email back right away.
>@__: I'd say it sounds as though she is still grieving and not yet ready to get back in touch. I like __'s advice. Send her a card or a note now and then to let her know that you're thinking of her, with no expectation of reply, if you want to let her know you're open to contact when she's ready. Because it won't happen until she's ready.
>@__: Give her time. My mom died a little less than a year and a half ago, and I can tell you it really, really fucks your world up. She probably isn't ready to be back in the swing of things. So just send her something to remind her of you...maybe an inside joke or something, and let her know you're there when she's ready, but don't push.
*So my husband is studying to be a pilot, just did his first solo and is loving it. It scares the crap out of me but I feel like I have to put on a cheery face and be super supportive (duh), but inside I'm like ahhhhhh. Hopefully once I can go up with him it'll be easier.
/he's doing a fabulous job btw and is really, really good apparently!
>@__: Oh God, I can't imagine. I can't stand it when husband HAS to fly a couple of times a year! That said, pilots amaze me. I am terrified of flying and once had a really bad flight (the kind where everyone applauds when you land) and I will NEVER forget the pilot's name: Captain Greg Miracle!
>@__: Yay for your husband! Hang in there, I know how it is to worry. My boyfriend is a firefighter so I frequently have nights of nail-biting and pacing. But I don't think I want to go with him on a fire, so I can't tell you if it'll be easier after you experience it with him.
>@__: Is he studying to be a pilot for fun, or does he want to make a career out of it? If he wants to make a career out of it I wish you good luck, it's a hard career. The money that used to be there isn't any more and the training is a large investment. Also you're going to spend a lot of time apart. If he loves it though, I mean really loves it, then he'll never be happy doing anything else!
It does get easier to be less worried about the flying, especially when you see how much safety rig-a-ma-role they go through every flight. My friends and family worried about me a lot at first, now they only worry when they hear there's been a crash.
>@__: Are you a pilot? :)
>@__: Flight Attendant. I spend a lot of time with a lot of pilots, although not romantically any longer (the thrill wears off after a few!). I fly at a smaller carrier, so most of the guys and gals I fly with are just starting out on their careers. I've seen how much time and money they have put in and how little they are getting in return. It's sad, but doesn't stop them from flying! It really does get in your blood.
*Does anybody ever get the compulsive urge to listen to the same song over and over again? I get this frequently, and its not just new music. For instance, this week I compulsively listened to "Back in Black" for half the week and "Black Balloon" the other half. I'm pretty sure my neighbors are sick of Johnny Rzeznik's anthem about his heroin addicted wife by now.
>@__: All. The. Time.
*True confession: I've only shoplifted once in my life. The item that I shoplifted was a box of Pop Tarts.
They were frosted, of course. Why anyone would ever eat, let alone shoplift, the non-frosted kind, I have no fucking idea.
*I know this is super high schoolesque, but it's really pissing me off...
i've been interning at this foundation thing for about 4-5 months now. We only have three guys work in the office full time..but i'd really, really like a full time job there.
we just had a huge inauguration gala thing which we brought extra interns for. They brought in this one girl who is probs like 19 for two weeks full time.
She went and told one of my bosses that I had a major crush on him (it should be noted here that i do have a very, very serious boyfriend, but try not to talk about him in the office too much because I don't like my personal and professional lives mixing). She then went on to tell another intern that my supervisor is "making fun of me everytime he talks to me".
She's gone now so it's too late to say anything to her, but do I need to do damage control so at least my boss knows I don't look at him that way?
uuuugh why can't everyone be jezzies?
>@__: It seems like the kind of thing to just nip in the bud. If it was me, I would say something along the lines of, "I am not sure where she got the idea, but I understand that X told you I have a crush on you. I just wanted to let you know that it's not true, because I don't want our professional relationship to be awkward because of some kind of miscommunication."
Then she doesn't look like the bitch that it sounds like she is, either, which makes you look even better!
>@__: That's an HR sitch for sure. She needs an official notice that that's not appropriate behavior, as well as to have it in her file that she's a bit of a jerk. You need to have it in your file that you handled a difficult situation through the appropriate and official channels.
Open Forum @ jezebel.com